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Making small changes on purpose is the easiest way to get over your far of change. When change becomes normal it becomes less scary. I have one specific method I use for getting over my fear of change. Every year or so I buy myself a variety box of tea that includes a lot of flavors, some of which I would NEVER choose on my own. I pick a tea at random and have to drink that one even if it sounds weird or isn’t my style. I often find myself wanting to just sift through the box for the teas I know I like, but when I’m actively doing this on a daily basis I find myself being more comfortable and inclined to do things that are different or new. Sometimes I even discover a flavor of tea I never knew I’d love. Even when the tea is bad it’s not THAT bad. It’s a super low risk, minorly uncomfortable thing that teaches my brain that risk is normal and not that scary.
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You have to stop judging your emotions when you're alone. When you're around other people being mindful of how often you emotionally dump is important but when you're alone the only person affected by you expressing your feelings is you. When I'm angry and I'm alone I'll scream into and punch the pillows, listen to angry music and slam doors around the house. I'll even yell at inanimate objects too sometimes! When I'm sad I'll sob into my pillows and eat ice cream and go on a long drive where I scream Taylor Swift in the car. Processing intense feelings like this is actually extremely healthy. Nobody gets hurt, nobody gets scared, and by the time I'm talking to a friend about why I'm angry or sad I'm clamed down enough to just vent and be objective.
I'm able to process intense emotions like this in about a day or two now. I used to be pissed off or sad for weeks or months. I'd judge myself for how I felt so I'd call friends for weeks on end asking for emotional support and validation until they'd leave because I couldn't handle my own feelings, which then made the cycle more intense. (And the hardest part is that they were right to leave, they didn't sign up to be my therapist).
It took about a year for me to dig my raw feelings out from underneath the layer of shame so I could handle them better on my own, and sometimes I'm still not perfect at this. And the only way to do it is super uncomfortable - you have to literally just sit and feel your feelings alone with no distraction and breathe until it fades until having emotions just feels normal and not embarrassing.
Not sure who needed to hear this one but I thought I'd put it out there for whoever does.
*Most people don't ask why they want something beyond "it would be good for me", which is part of why they aren't hitting their goals. There's two problems with this.*
1. You likely aren't being honest about why you want the thing
2. You're going to be focused on the obstacle if you don't consciously make yourself focus on the reward
*I experienced this very intensely over the past two years*
What I wanted was to get more subscribers on Onlyfans and more sales in my coaching business. I had a huge dip in late 2020 and couldn't get out of the rutt. However, I was in denial about wanting money just to be financially stable. Financial stability isn't actually that exciting to me. What WAS exciting was designer clothing and shopping and buying things for my friends and family. So I started setting "rewards" for hitting certain goals - I made a list of items I wanted and of course I started working like CRAZY because of how motivated I was. My account blew up by 12x in one month. "Selfish" motivators are some of the most powerful once you stop judging them.
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What's that thing you keep telling yourself you want to do but haven't done yet? That's probably the are of your life where you're resisting change the most. One reason besides fear that you might resist doing the thing you want to do is priorities. What do you value the most in life? If health isn't on the list it's no wonder you can't get yourself to hit the gym on a regular basis, eat healthy (whatever healthy looks like for you), or even take care of your basic needs. Take a minute to figure out what your priorities are by listing your top 3.
Mine are:
1. Health
2. Career
3. Relationships/Friendships
4. Spirituality
5. Family
(The thing limiting change for me most is that personal finance isn't on my list. Being bad with money is my biggest weakness)
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Why do we resist change?
Primarily, there's just safety in what you know. When you're trying to aim higher for a better career or an ideal relationship, or seek out new friends there's always the possibility of failure. And failure sometimes hurts A LOT, and if you've never experienced failure in that area (or only experienced failure in a specific way) the unknown type of failure is terrifying because you don't know how bad it will be.
A few things have helped me with this
1. Visualize the actual worst case scenario. Is there really no backup plan? Is it actually life-shattering? Can you create a backup plan now that will allow you to move forward more securely?
2. Visualize the best case scenario often and on purpose. Your brain's meant to protect you and therefore is subconsciously on the lookout for the worst outcome, every morning and night visualize a better scenario
3. Meditation (ugh, groan, I know). Meditation that's focused on training yourself to stay in the present moment helps you to pattern-interrupt. When you start going down a far spiral this is a muscle you can build up to stop the spiral in its tracks
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This week I'm doing a lot of inner work on getting comfortable with change. One thing I've gotten much better at is not seeing a diagnosis as a set of limitations.
For example, being neurodivergent and knowing that means I'm more resistant to change doesn't mean I'm not capable of becoming comfortable with it. Just because it's harder than it is for the average person doesn't mean it's not doable.
This mostly comes out in the way that I joke: "I'm always late because I'm ADHD" is not an empowering way to talk about myself. Quitting talking about things in absolutes like that has already made a huge difference.
Something nobody tells you about job applications is that the list of "requirements" aren't actually requirements, they're just a wish list. Apply anyway.
Hey everyone I’m sorry I have to just stop offering live streams. Honestly what happens is that more than half of the time I simply forgot that they are scheduled and don’t show up which is really disappointing for everybody. I’m really sorry about my lack of reliability with these I’m going to go ahead and just put a full stop to them because I think they mostly just make everybody feel bad when I don’t show
Always focus on the things you can control, because if you don't you'll miss a million opportunities to learn and move forward. I got banned on Tiktok recently and I could chalk it up to "Tiktok hates sex workers" but that doesn't help me because algorithm bias is not something I have control over. If I ask myself "How could I have better avoided breaking Tiktok's guidelines" or "How can I make better content so that I quickly catch up to where I was before" I'll have a far better outcome.
Sometimes I find myself procrastinating on doing work I'm scared to do by doing trauma work. Trauma might be the thing holding me back sometimes but at the end of the day the leap will just be scary and there's only so much help that unpacking will do.
Don't forget our livestream is today! Bring any/all questions you have about career and mindset. This could include goal setting, manifestation, personal development, trauma work, etc
Livestream tomorrow at 7PM EST! Tomorrow is our weekly career and mindset livestream. Let me know any questions you have regarding mindset or work/business below.
People ask me a lot about how to grow an Onlyfans so I just released my first course about Reddit Marketing :) https://creatorswithconfidence.com/reddit-marketing/
People like to criticize tarot because it's vague enough that you can interpret it however you want but thats actually the point - people are really out of touch with what they want so tarot is actually a really good way to reach into your subconscious
It's extremely unlikely that you'll achieve goals you haven't set and therefore don't know about. What do you want that you haven't set clear goals for?
You don't need therapy to start working on yourself. Here's a quick journalling exercise:
Write down one thing you want to change about yourself
Write down one small step you can take to become the person you want to be
Write down all the reasons why it matters that you take that step
The point isn't necessarily to write down a new habit and keep it perfectly, but doing this exercise regularly will get your brain thinking in a change-oriented direction
Onlyfans livestreaming isn't working on any of my devices, seems they're having an issue on their end. My livestream will be tomorrow instead - It'll be about the basics of personal finance and investing
