I just need to try and get my mind off things and I need to ..
Added 2020-08-20 19:46:58 +0000 UTCI just need to try and get my mind off things and I need to start being better at stuff like I don't know why I do some of the things I do like I said yesterday I don't know why I do things knowing that it's not going to make me feel any better and it's just going to hurt me more and upset me more and not help whatsoever but I do it anyways sure I don't know why i always try and tell myself it's for assurance a reassurance but like that's the thing it doesn't give me either those so I don't know why I tell myself it does that cuz it doesn't help the situation it doesn't help me feel any better it just adds to the stress that's what I need to learn how to do I need to stop doing these things that make the situation worse and make me feel worse cuz it doesn't make me feel better by looking at something I know it's going to hurt my feelings I do it in return like I feel like my body just wants to hurt itself and put itself in pain and misery and I don't know if that's just trying to let you know strengthen myself but it really isn't qnd like why it's been almost a fucking month and I've been like this like this is ridiculous when am I going to start looking out for myself? When am I going to start taking care of myself instead of just put myself through this pain every day? that's why I tried to say I'm going to just try and maybe watch Disney or something this weekend bring me back to my safe days having no care in the world about the future. I really want September to be a better month for me I really do if I was me on the other side of the fence watching myself go through this I would feel so fucking bad for myself that I know how I feel so I know exactly why I'm going through all this to but I don't know at the same time that's the confusing part I don't know why I even care, why I have feelings for this cuz he don't care or have feelings for me so what the fuck or
